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Friday, July 9, 2010

Let Paul the Octopus Decide Whether He Wants to Live

If Adolf Hitler was told he was going to die before July 14 2010 (when Spain played Germany in the 2010 World Cup semi-finals), his last wish could have been to be served with a plate of grilled octopus. Paul the Octopus to be precise.

After all, the two-year-old German cephalopod is what denied his country folks their fourth world cup trophy, by predicting that Spain would beat Germany in the semi-finals. And this came to pass, to the chagrin of many Deutsche citizens. But this right prediction proved to be a wrong move for the octopus. It has now become the most endangered specie on planet earth and death threats are raining in faster than the goals the Germans scored against Saudi Arabia in the 2006 World Cup.

'Throw it in the frying pan', 'cut him in thin slices', 'delicious, octopus soup', 'throw him in the shark tank' are the screams people are making as they bay for the flesh of poor Paul.

A number of people however are pleading to German fans to give Paul one more chance to put things right. Spanish Prime Minister Jose Zapatero has even gone to the extent of offering Weymouth-born octopus state protection after his country became the second, after Serbia, to benefit from amigo Paul, who rightly predicted the Germans would lose against the two opponents.

"I am concerned for the octopus ... I am thinking of sending him a protective team," Zapatero said in an interview with German TV. I can only imagine how much a dish of Paul the Octopus would fetch. And who knows, may be, those who get the opportunity to dine on this creature may just genetically inherit some of his characteristics.

But now, the big question is, should Paul be on the menu after 'betraying' Berlin? I say, we should let him choose.

The aquarium workers should repeat the whole process. That is, lower two containers holding food into his tank. Each should contain symbols for death and life - a human skull and a vanita. If he eats from the container symbolizing death, I wont mind being the first to offer my services of at least throwing it in the frying pan. In fact af this point, it would already be a retard. A minute of silence should then be observed in honour of the specie should this legend depart the world of football.

If he eats from the container symbolizing life, he should live and be protected by every marine and endangered specie international bodies known to man. His life should be prolonged beyond the maximum five-year life expectancy by the doctors who should undertake this as an absolute obligation.

But in the meantime, the La Furia Roja can also help the eight-limbed oracle. How about they secure restraint papers from International Criminal Court at The Hague warning the German public to restrain from issuing death threats to their amigo? Or process his travel documents via the Spanish embassy in Germany and put him on the earliest flight from western German city of Oberhausen where he now stays to the city of Salamanca in western Spain. 

And before the Germans decide to throw him on the frying pan or barbecue him, they should not forget that the qualifiers for Euro 2012 are just some few months away. If they are that shortsighted, they should go ahead and make a meal out of the poor thing. If they are not, then they should realize that he will come in handy in the not so distant future.

Oracle Octopus Predicts Spain Delight
Meanwhile, the octopus has predicted that Spain will triumph over the Dutch in the finals to be played on Sunday. Maybe he's rewarding the Spanish citizenry for showing so much love for him. From Spanish Prime Minister Zapatero to the nation's environment minister Elena Espinosa who said he will be asking EU for a fishing ban on Paul the octopus to La Roja's famous chef José Andrés who took off the octopus from all his menus, the Spaniards have all but shown mad love for the cephalopod.

Does this mean that the Dutch leaving just in the west of Germany will also start issuing their own death threats to the octopus? Oh poor Paul. Will you live to see remaining length of this World Cup or any future competitions?

And that's thesteifmastertake!!