Presenting The Best Team in the World – And It’s Not Barcelona!!

The world of football is almost in unanimity that Barcelona is the best team in the world right now. But are those clinical, almost faultless Xavi-esque passes good enough to unlock a defence made up of “The Giraffe”, “The Tall One”, and “Mr. Elbow”? Can Barca’s Carles Puyol and Gerard Pique defend against the “Crazy Dribbler”, “Spiderman” and “Wizard of Dribble”? Try to think of Victor Valdes saving a shot from the “Devil”

It is one of the most anticipated games of the season. A derby that arouses emotions like no other, one where every inch of the pitch is highly and hotly contested for, where managers unleash their most hidden tactful acumen, where fans cheer, jeer, boo, applaud and applause, curse where necessary and hurl obscenities and all manner of banalities even in front of the not-so-suspecting young ones.

Will today’s match be any different? Will the newly-promoted Potters upstage the dominant Pensioners just like they did a fortnight ago when they visited the Black Cats who have had their worst ever start to a season having already been hammered by a dozen goals by the Hammers? A win to either the Potters or Pensioners will take them to the top of the table after table-leading, the Reds and the Red Devils, could only manage a thrilling 4-4 draw, a scoreline that pleased Red Devils manager King Eric but left Reds manager, King Kenny fuming after controversial referee, The Big Howski, awarded the Red Devils an equally controversial penalty in the last minute of the game.

As has been the norm in the past three games, the Pensioners will once again rely on the safe gloves of Big Pete who has made the goalkeeping position his own after displacing injury-hit Genghis Khan. A very strong defensive lineup will try to mop up the opposition’s attack. The Tall One and the Giraffe will occupy the central defence, while The Donkey on the left side of the defence and the Little Donkey on the right will try to stop the Little Witch and Welsh Wizard from whipping dangerous crosses into the box.

After outplaying, out-passing, out-running and completely dominating their opponent’s midfield in the previous match, Pensioner’s Manager, The Phantom, has decided to stick to his midfield lineup of Braveheart, Wizard of Oz, Wizard of Tabanya and Sound of Thunder.

Super Pipo and Super Mario will for the first time lead the attacking lineup which sees topscorer Speedy Gonzalez make it to the substitutes bench. Pensioner’s summer signings, The Black Panther and The Dragon will also start from the bench and so will be the defensive twosome of Slim and Fat One.

After two of his defenders, Philosopher and Gov’nor, were both stretchered off in the previous match, Potters’ manager, Pizza, has called on the untested Holland international Vacuum Cleaner to man the defence together with the impressive Mr. Elbow, Argentina captain The Tractor and his countrymate Big Nose. Crazy Dribbler, Mighty Mouse, Spiderman and Wizard of Dribble will drive the midfield with the Non-flying Dutchman playing just behind the Baby-faced Assassin who returns after two months layoff with a virus to lead the one-man attack.

After scoring a hat-trick in the previous match, Pitbull can only make it to the bench. Potters manager will also have the chance to call on the services of last year’s club player of the season Black Panther to provide him the extra ammunition, if need be.

It’s one of those games that catapult excitement to a crescendo. It’s one of those articles that make me conclude that if footballers were their nicknames, they would simply cause trepidation and send some chilling nerves down the system of their opponents, fans notwithstanding.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a game made in mars and to be played on earth. The aforementioned ‘names’ actually represent players who either are or once played the beautiful game.

For those who are ardent football followers, it’s not rocket science to know that the ‘Potters’ and ‘Pensioners’ here are none other than Stoke City and Chelsea Football clubs. Perhaps the Reds (Liverpool) and Red Devils (Manchester United) are even more familiar, and so should ‘King Kenny’ Dalglish and ‘King Eric’ Cantona, he of the kung-fu kick.

And just who else could be ‘The Big Howski’ but English referee Howard Webb?

I know that is just as easy as it can get. So why not look at the list below to see who the Big Pete’s, the Bravehearts, the Donkeys and their little ones, the Rats and Wizards, the Giraffes and Thunders, the Pizza and Philosophers, the Big Noses, Mr. Elbows and Baby-faced Assassins (we know this guy though) are? Info provided by <Soccerphile>

Gennaro Gattuso (ITA)- "Braveheart"

Harry Kewell - "Wizard of Oz”

Kiprich, Jozef (HUN) - Wizard from Tatabanya

Dennis Bergkamp – the non-flying Dutchman

Koller, Jan (CZE) – Tall One

Pizarro, Claudio (PER) – Pizza

Toni Adams – the donkey

Eric Cantona – King Eric

Stankovic, Dejan (SER) - The Dragon

Ince, Paul (ENG) - Gov'nor

Thuram, Lilian (FRA) - Philosopher

Inzaghi, Filippo (ITA) - Super Pippo

Kahn, Oliver (GER) - Genghis Khan

Kevin Keegan – King Kevin

Roy Makaay, called "The Phantom"

Juan Sebastian Verón - "The Little Witch

Javier Zanetti, "The Tractor",

Van der Kerkhof, W. (HOL) - Vacuum Cleaner

Verón, Juan Ramón (ARG)—Witch

Verón, Juan Sebastian (ARG) - Little Witch

Waddle, Chris (ENG) - Crazy Dribbler

Wouters, Jan (HOL) - Mr. Elbow

Zenga, Walter (ITA) – Spiderman

Kevin Keegan = Mighty Mouse

Zanetti, Javier (ARG) - The Tractor

Pete Cech – Big Pete

Jack Charlton (Eng) – giraffe

Bilardo Carlos (ARG) – Narigon – big nose

Ortega, Ariel (ARG) - Little Donkey

Mario Balloteli – Super Mario

Pardeza, Miguel (ESP) - Little Rat – Ratoncito

Petkovic, Dejan (SER) – Rambo

Ronaldo (BRA) – fenomeno – phenomenon

Prosinecki, Robert (CRO) - The Yellow One

Romario (BRA) – Shorty

Riva, Luigi (ITA) - Sound of Thunder

David Beckam – the spice boy

Roberto Baggio – Codino d’ Oro – the golden ponytail

Franz Berckenbauer – Emperor

Pele = Edson Arantes do Nascimento – king

Kenny Dalglish – King Kenny

Tostao (BRA) – White pele

Edgar Davids – Pitbull

Sükür, Hakan (TUR) - Bull from the Bosporus

Lombardo, Attilio (ITA) - Bald Eagle

Marcel Desailly – rock, Beast

Eusebio da Silva (POR) Pantera Nera Black Panther

Ryan Giggs – Welsh Wizard

González Cristián (ARG) – Speedy Gonzalez

Hernández, Luis (MEX) – Killer

Solskjaer, Ole Gunnar (NOR) - Baby-faced Assasin

Sanchez, Erwin (BOL) – Devil

Schuster, Bernd (GER) - Blond Angel

Ilie, Adrian (ROM) – Cobra

Eusebio = The 'Black Panther'

Matthews, Stanley (ENG) - Wizard of Dribble

Boniek Zbigniew – Poland – beauty of the night

Morientes, Fernando (ESP) - Black One

Menotti, Cesar Luis (ARG) – Slim

Müller, Gerd (GER) - Fat One/Bomber

Nordahl, Gunnar (SWE) – Gunner/Buffalo

Andriy Shevchenko - "The Eastern Wind"

Pavel Nedved "The Czech Cannon"

And That's thesteifmastertake!!