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Thursday, December 11, 2014

Letter from #TeamNyati to Opponents ahead of KPL Fans Fun Day

First I want to admit that am very pleased to break all the hogwash of the English language which would have dictated that I kowtow to some traditional format that would have breathed conventional air into how to write a letter. The feeling of breaking that rule is such a relief.

Having said that, I also want to refute any suspicions the headline might have raised as to whether this is the official mouthpiece of one #TeamNyati; the best thing there will be on KPL Fans Fun Day set for this Saturday.

As you fight a personal war over that claim and award yourself a pyrrhic victory, I suggest you be cleaning your newly acquired boots which might melt under the sweltering heat of the artificial black rubber-crumb surface that awaits you at City Stadium this Saturday.

Meanwhile, #TeamNyati have been under residential training since they became among the very first teams to confirm participation by paying the registration token which was channeled to the organizers’ coffers via the captain Gregory Mulemi. Although he has been absent from the camp due to reasons better kept secret in the #TeamNyati’s cabinet safe, the glass-kneed Mulemi has done the team a world of good by ensuring they will participate in the inaugural KPL Fans Fun Day.

Mulemi will be a vital cog for #TeamNyati provided he steers clear of trying to force a nutmeg on a heavily built bowlegged opponent. To address that, #TeamNyati are discussing the possibility of allowing him to nutmeg a handful of teammates during the pre-match warm up – hope he doesn’t read this part.

Were it up to #TeamNyati, this Fun day would have been held on a Sunday. Reason being, one Japh ‘De Jong’ Mutinda, a specialist in Sunday League Football (SLF) would have singlehandedly handed the trophy to #TeamNyati. Nevertheless, the fact that the game is played a day before Sunday is a motivation enough. As a brotherly warning, opponents marking him should feel just a wee bit safe if they ‘dress up’ like a National Football League (NFL) player.

One of #TeamNyati’s secrets will be one Amos Abuga who has, for lack of a better expression, worked his ass off during the week. The non-scoring goalscorer (oh boy am in trouble) has been doing extra work in the gym, so much so that he might as well stand in the defence alone on Saturday in a 1-1-5 formation.

And then there’s the far-travelled, jet-lagged, Kaka Tim Iqbal Mustafa Bharath. He declined a multi-million offer from the gulf to return back home and his presence in the team sheet itself should have rest of the teams hitting the panic button.

#TeamNyati’s major weakness is the fact that they are awash with skills. Yes, deft touches, delicate flicks, rabona and rainbow kicks, ‘kuipaka’, name it. Ever heard of the expression being ‘left for dead’, or hitting the ‘groundie’? There will be a lot of that level of embarrassment #TeamNyati will dish out when they put the opposition under ‘sieke’. One Steve Ayoo will take the lead on that so the least said the better.

As I conclude this apparent letter, I will tell you for free that there won’t be any better ladies on the pitch than #TeamNyati’s Shinyatinyatis led by the red-hot red-dressed red-carpeting Myra Redele and the Tore Bobe maestro Rebecca Magoma.

Iko sida.

Hopefully after all has been said, the participants will live up to the name of the day, Fun Day, because it’s the experience that matters rather than the competition. Donge?

Good luck and let us have fun on Saturday.


And That’s thesteifmastertake!!